In Honor of Football Season

Let's face it - I don't get football. But perhaps by linking it with obscure literary-style musings, I will at least be entertained..... get the full link here at McSweeney's.

NFL PlayersWhose Names Sound Vaguely Dickensian,and the Characters They Would Be in an Actual Dickens Novel(2007–2008 RegularSeason Edition).

Ethan Albright
Honest and upright youngest son of the dissolute Lord Albright. Childhood favorite of his deceased mother, Lady Alicia Albright, and said to resemble her most uncannily. He comes to grief attempting to foil his father's plot against the innocent Jeremy Trueblood.

Marcus Maxwell
Dodgy owner of the disreputable Circus Marcus. Suspected by Magistrate Petitgout of feeding the circus's performing tigers upon surplus orphans.

Darnell Dinkins
Ticket-taker at Marcus Maxwell's Circus Marcus. Testifies against his employer before the Queen's Bench, though he knows it may well cost him his life.

Luke Petitgout
Energetic city magistrate who appears, early in the story, to be integral to the plot, but spends the last two-thirds of the novel on injured reserve.

Channing Crowder
Disreputable eldest son of the hidebound and sanctimonious banker Mr. Epaphroditus Crowder. Employed by Marcus Maxwell on an unsavory bit of business, he returns home transformed in a truly startling fashion.

Rex Hadnot
Orphan.

James Dearth
Orphan.

Will Witherspoon
Dead orphan.